I’m sad to post this. Facing the scale this morning after weeks of screwing up sucked. I have had very bad binges lately. I’m pissed at myself because I have had many nights where I was shoveling food in my mouth that I haven’t eaten in years.
I think the root of the problem is night anxiety. Matt works nights and I’m home and have a hard time staying out of the kitchen. It sounds stupid to even type it, because I know better and should have better self control.
This week was better than prior weeks but I do have work to do on myself. I have been taking walks with Quinn in the stroller or Baby Bjorn
This has helped me stay a little more focused this week.
I’m hoping that by focusing on myself a little more and letting Matt take Quinn I can get back where I need to be. Matt took her the other day for 2 hours, the longest I’ve been away from her since she was born. I felt weird about it. I felt great because I had 2 hours to myself. Then I felt guilty because I wanted her with me. I’m still a bit of a hormonal mess.
My divorce is finally final. Well, it was final back in August, but I got a settlement I had been not so patiently waiting for and the cars that I had during our marriage have been repossessed as of last Monday. This was a HUGE source of stress for me for months, not knowing how or when it was going to happen and not being able to move on without those two things happening. I was pissed off and bitter that I hadn’t gotten the settlement I was owed. I’m more at peace now that I have it. Feels like closure. The cars were baggage that we no longer wanted or needed. I feel like with the cars gone, it’s over. Finally. It is sad that in order to break away from a marriage neither of you want to be in anymore you have to destroy your credit and everything you worked so hard to build and protect.
I’m not mad about it. I gained more than I ever lost.
And I’m happy. That’s all that matters anymore.
