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The Business of Losing Weight

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I’m tired.
This morning I sat on the patio at the cafe beside my building and had breakfast.

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And all I kept thinking was how many points my bacon egg and cheese bagel was. The cafe is wonderful and everything is made to order. When we move I will miss the convenience of being able to walk down the hall and have breakfast or lunch on the patio.

I’m about to get really seriously real for a few minutes here, so stay with me-

I started Weight Watchers July 31st 2010. This was my first blog post on the subject just a month in. See how inspired I was? See how motivated? 9.5 pounds in a month is unheard of now for me.

I’ve done a little math, but I’m shit at math so bear with me.

I added up now much money I have paid to Weight Watchers since first stepping through the doors of a meeting that July day. I figured in the months I was pregnant and recovering from my c section and only paying the Weight Watchers online fee. I dropped the 3 and carried the 2 and squared this and that and came up with this, give or take, but you’ll get the idea:

$1956

That’s nineteen hundred and fifty six dollars.

whoa.

That’s a lot of money for anyone, but that’s a whole lot of money for someone that squeaked by making rent when her husband left her. That’s a lot of money for new parents. That’s a lot of money.

Do I regret spending it?

No.

I’m convinced that if I hadn’t started this journey years ago that I would be dead from obesity related illness by now. My sedentary job at the time and my horrible eating habits were going to kill me.

When I went through the loss of my job, my ex husband’s accident, and divorce, Weight Watchers kept me grounded. I looked forward to my meetings and really, in a town where I had very few friends, my meeting members were my only friends for a while.

Weight Watchers becomes a way of life. For some people, they find much success and get that coveted lifetime status. They stay within their goal weight and never pay for a meeting again.

And then there’s me.

I’m the person Weight Watchers investors love. I’m the one who keeps paying them and doesn’t ever get to goal. I’m the one that half asses the plan and zig zags and yo-yo’s. I’m the one that loses, celebrates. Gains, makes excuses.

I’m the one who keeps paying and doesn’t put in the work.

I’ve considered quitting. I’m not 100% sure I’m not going to. This happened this morning

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I just can’t get it together. I have failed myself and my family for spending so much money and not putting in the work.

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I’m maintaining and I’m not working out. I’m going on walks, but nothing strenuous like I used to do.

I want to do better. I need motivation. I need to pull myself out of this food induced coma I’m in.

The business of losing weight is one that makes billions of dollars a year. I’ve been on a “diet” since I bought my first can of slim fast when I was 12 years old.

I’m almost 33.

I’m tired.



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